I had been working the corner hard all week and it was Sunday today. It was time to drop in on my friends at the local religious gathering. I've been trying to give up my Camels, but it has been hard. I unfortunately still had one between my fingers as I entered the building.
The guy at the door said I'd have to put out the cigarette before I entered. I was a bit confused. If I heard right last time, the preach said God knows everything. That means he knows I smoke so what's the big deal? I put out the cigarette, but saved the butt for smoking later.
Here's my question. Why do I have to be somebody different in the church than when I'm out working my corner? Seems like God will either whack me or not. Maybe that is the issue. Maybe the guy wants to make sure I am whacked on the corner and not in God's house?
That's mighty kind.
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Love is in the air. I love my job. I love people. I love people on my job. God says love is the greatest commandment. I don't want to miss this one. I might miss other commandments, but the Holly Fawther wants to keep the most important at the very least.
You will find this hard to believe, but the Holly Fawther was in a Love and Respect class the other day. I think it was part of my agreement to satisfy the court's order for community service. I love to serve. It's pretty cool when the court orders you to serve. That's like God saying serve, only when the court says serve you usually better do it or else! I guess God is more lenient with His commandments or is He?
Anyway, when in class I noticed something interesting. The class was full of people who loved one other. I thought to myself, I need to learn how to love people. I mean think about it. I see more people in an hour than most people see in a week. I have uniquely been placed in a position in life to love more people. What an incredible opportunity.
My sign says, 'God bless' or 'Jesus loves you'. All that's true but I think I am going to try something different tomorrow. I think I'll try out a sign that says, 'Holly Fawther Loves You!'. I've got some cardboard I have been weathering outside. I always keep cardboard outside to get that aged look before I put the letters on. It is much more believable.
There are few things more exilarating than spring skiing. The weather is warm. The sun's out bright and the slopes groomed. I just love the feel of the crisp morning air blowing against my cheeks as I make that first run down the slope. It is so cool to feel and see my cape blowing in the wind behind me as I negociate a double black diamond mogul.
This particular spring, everything was just right. There was fresh powder on the slopes and the grooming was perfect. I skiied until I didn't have any energy left. I was tired, cold and hurting from the exertion. The feeling was awesome. I packed up my gear and headed back to the company condo. It had been graciously provided by friends of the cloth. It was all tax deductable. That's cool.
The TV was already cranked up on my favorite religious channel with Brother Tiltie (sp?) He was laying it on pretty thick about the fact if you were sick it was your own fault. Now that's pretty cold if you have some unfortuate disease that you contracted while doing missionary work in South Africa.
But anyway, B. Tiltie said if you had an infermory to just put it on the TV and he would heal it right now. Now that's supernatural. Well let me tell you, I had been skiing hard and my backside was hurting. I didn't want to miss this opportunity, so I backed right up the screen and waited for B. Tiltie to do his work.
I was really dissappointed when nothing happened. I was warmed up a bit by the TV, but my backside was still sore. I must confess I was about ready to give B. Tiltie a piece of my mind, when I got a revelation. I started watching in the middle of the program and missed the beginning. He always asks for money upfront on these healings. I had missed his pitch and I hadn't given.
Oh well. Maybe next time. At least it wasn't from a lack of faith.
I just have to share this with you, my brothers, friends and supporters. Check your ash tray in your car. If you are like me, you got it loaded with coins and maybe a few bills. I was at the local fix-it shop yesterday and was accosted by some bum wanting money. I normally don't give to people like that. The good book says I should save for a rainey day and that's just what I do.
This time was different. The guy was clean, but his shirt was a bit holy. He could talk my language and was from my high school. He asked if I had any money? I said, 'No!' of course. What I meant was I didn't have any money for him. Then, I thought about my ash tray. I had some coins and bills stashed there. I thought, 'WWJD'?
He followed me to my pickup and I secured my ash tray and dumped it in his hands. Man, let me tell you his eyes lit up! I had recently had a great run of luck at the corner. I think there was even a glow surrounding his head. Now my brother-in-law told me about a chance encounter with an angel boy and I thought maybe this was his dad!
I turned around to put my ash tray in my truck and when I looked back he had dissappeared. I was spooked! The good book talks about angelic visitation, but I never thought it'd be at the fix-it store. I figured it be at some local hell fire and damnation venue and the angel would be wearing his Sunday best.
I drove around the parking lot a bit just to make sure he was angelic. Then, I saw him coming from the Gatoraid machine. So, unless Angels like Gatoraid I guess he was just a bum. I wonder if God's gonna be mad 'cause I gave my money away?
The reason I share this rather personal experience, is to save you the grief I just went through. Don't take a chance on the unlikely bum, save your coins for me on the corner. You can trust me to take good care of your abundance and say a hell mary when you need it.
You can quote me, "With the help of a bottle of wine and all the wisdom I could muster, I tried my level best to penetrate the absurdity of life". No wait that would be King Solomon you would be quoting, but you can quote me anyway. I say good stuff too.
Like, "Then I took a good look at everything I'd done, looked at all the sweat and hard work. But when I looked, I saw nothing but smoke. Smoke and spitting into the wind. There was nothing to any of it. Nothing". No wait. That's the King, also.
Anyway, "The best you can do with your life is have a good time and get by the best you can. The way I see it, that's it—divine fate".
I think I'll just go back to my corner.
The Holly Fawder says, "Every Friday is good friday". Every friday is good friday because that's the day y'all give with the promise to get back 10 or maybe even 1050 times more. So dig deep. I'm promising. Trust me. Start getting your change and bills together blocks before you hit my red light. Then, dig even deeper and give it all. It'll all come back to you. If not this payday, then next.
You probably wonder how I know the light will be red? Now don't be mad, but I had the city maintenance workers install a pedestrian walk 'push button' to control the light. There weren't any pedestrians, but the city was ok with it because the workers didn't even need a work order. They were just excited to help out with the Holly Fawder's ministry.
Now I want you to know I don't abuse my power. We men of the cloth have a value system that is better than regular peoples. We only use our power when it benefits others. Kinda like a super hero does. In the case of the red light giving district, I used my power because I want you to have a better opportunity to give and get a bunch more back.
So, when the light turns red on my corner, count your blessings. Don't count your change, just toss it out and try to hit my bucket. I'll step in the street for folding bills, but not worth the risk for the change. My cape gets hung up on the sewer grate.
I'm still trying to figure out what kind a bumper sticker I should put on my new truck. I want it to really mean something. I've gotten really confused over this bumper sticker thing. I know you heard about all the trouble I had with fish. Little fish, big fish, Darwin fish, fish with legs, fish eating fish and fish with tails. I still haven't figured 'em all out.
But anyway, I am thinking about a rainbow. They are pretty. I was reading yesterday that God promised that He wouldn't destroy the earth by water anymore. The rainbow is the sign of his promise. That's pretty cool until you remember He promised fire instead.
When I was on my corner, a car drove by with a rainbow on the rear window. I thought that is pretty cool. The two guys inside must be sharing their faith that God would not destroy the earth by water. Then, I saw 'em get a whole lot closer than I could believe and I really got the total picture.
God promised fire, because He knew He would be defending the honor of His promise in the rainbow. I think I'll keep looking for just the right bumber sticker. I sure don't want a rainbow on the odd luck that God torches the rainbow cars, before He looks inside.
Everybody knows a Mike, John, Joe, Cindy, Sue or Sandy. But do you know a Judas? What's up with that? You know a Isaac and Timothy, but no Judas. Isn't it great that names can be prophetic. It happens all the time in the Bible.
Take for instance, Sue. It's easy to figure she is going to be a lawyer. Maybe Mike is going to be a sports prodcaster. Judas was the money guy. You'd think if parents wanted their kids to grow up to be an accountant or maybe investment banker, they'd name their kid Judas.
Parents are just so short sighted. If they would just imagine what their kid could become, they might be more proactive in choosing names with meaning. Like Judas. Now that is name you can remember. I never new a Judas. I think there was someone named Judas in the Bible, so that has to be good. Right?
The most significant name in recent space hero history was Jedi. Luke was a Jedi. That's pretty cool. You can be named after a brilliant Biblical physician and also be part of the greatest space warriors of all time. Yeah. Luke. That's a great name!
I had worked my corner most of the day and was yearning for a cool one. I drove on over to the Blue Ice House. For folks outside San Antonio, that's the local rendition of a 7-11 before it is bought out. I swung around back to enter from the rear because I know the Word says to not be a stumbling block. So, I always buy my hootch so no one will see me.
But, as luck would have it another man of the cloth had beat me there. He had his own agenda. I wasn't too worried, because I had a backup plan. I easily switched from planning to buy beer and asked for some of that higher quality Mogen David wine. Everyone knows that's the stuff you serve at church suppers. I was wearing my cape so I knew it was a believable story.
Too bad for him. He was already at the cash register with his 6-pack. I just looked at him and shook my head. I let out a good sigh. He knew he had been busted, but it was too late to back out now.
I got a good chuckle out of that one. I always say God works in mysterious ways. I drove around the block. Picked up a 6-pack and drove on home. Everyone was a winner. I got my cool one. Gave witness to another man of the cloth and proactively picked up the next supper's wine.
